What is Love anyway? / by Johnny Michael

So I believe Love is the reason we're all here. Hands down, love is the greatest stuff on earth!

It's a virtue and we're all capable of it. To me, it's the purest form of human good you can give to another person. That's what I believe love is. And I don't know 'bout-chu, but I think it's a pretty important behavior.

But is that what love is to you? Is that what everyone else thinks it is?

Because I've heard people say love is the answer. And that makes some sense. And I've heard  The Beatles say, "All you need is love. Love, love, love." Ok. There's a handful of other basic needs. But I get it. It's important.

And I tell my mom I love her. I'll say, "I love you, mom." And she tells me that too. But she doesn't call me mom. Ya know, because that would be weird.

And I've heard people say that they love their parents too. And spouses or kids or whatever. Kids love their parents too. (Along with Cheerios and Fortnight.)

But then you hear Taylor Swift sing, "Love's a game, wanna play?"

I'm not sure I'd want to play, Taylor. Not with you. The way you describe it doesn't sound fun at all. You hurt people's feelings and write songs defaming them. That sounds like a very un-fun game to play. I swiftly do decline.

Side note. I've heard lots of people say that they love Tom Hanks. Because everybody loves Tom Hanks!

And here's a true story. I once had sex with someone who said she loved Pitbull. She was a grown woman with Pitbull posters on her walls. Sorry, Señor 305. But while you were out being Mr. Worldwide I was making sweet love to someone who claimed to love you. Dale!

Speaking of sex, 50 Cent is into having sex, but not making love. And if you're into that. You can find him in the club. He's the fella' with the bub.

And while the Black Eyed Peas are wondering, "Where is the Love?" I'm wondering why love has so many definitions.

Charlie Brown keeps checking his mailbox. No love letters. Good grief.

Turn on some 80's. J. Geils says, "Love stinks." Pat Benatar claims, "Love is a Battlefield."

Turn on that TV and you'll see… Love. It's what makes a Subaru, a Subaru. Furthermore, a Subaru is what makes love happen in a station wagon. Ah, thank you.

Love sure is an adventure. And while you're on the road, (in your lovely new Forester) you can stop at Love's gas station to fill up on some toxic stuff destroying the atmosphere. And since nobody loves gas station food, head down the highway for a healthy all-American meal at the good ol' golden arches - Mickey D's. Ba-da-ba-da-da! Who isn't lovin' it?

Go ahead now. Share your Big Mac. Not with a person, online of course. Hashtag #whosyourbigmacdaddy because Facebook turned love into a little button. And now we can click the button showing how much we love that Big Mac in your face and our deep appreciation for the picture of the girl that went to the gym today. Boy, it's incredible how much love you can get for yoga pants. Gotta love the internet.

In current news, gay rights told me, Love is Love. Thanks creative director for gay culture, you really clear it up for all of us…(that's a load of lovely sarcasm) and the confusion continues when I watch Wimbledon. Because, in tennis, love means nothing.

So what is love? ….Baby, don't hurt me! (cue the Butabi Brother neck bobs)

My point with all this cultural nonsense is this, the word love has too many different meanings and uses. The dictionary says it has twenty seven. That's a lot of ways to use one word. Perhaps, 26 too many.

Because what I've realized is that the world doesn't get better when you express your love for almond milk ginger lattes (which indeed are delicious). And it doesn't get better when you say, I love cream cheese. It gets better when you show love to other people. Love is really, really important. But its meaning keeps getting lost and befuddled. Love isn't something we fall into, it's something we learn. It's not something we find, it's something we give. Yes, Mr. Burt Bacharach, what the world needs now, is love, sweet love, and of course, more of it. But it definitely doesn't need any more ways to use it in our lexicon. That's what I believe, anyway.

Sure, I grew up on earth speaking english and I'm guilty of it too. I've described my romantic life as a love life. And heck, I even started an optimistic tee shirt brand called love life clothing co. But we went out of business pretty quick, our tees didn't get much love. 

So I'm thinking maybe we should all try and quit tossing the word around like a linguistic ragdoll…maybe we need a new word. Or maybe we need a symbol  — a universal symbol for love. The love symbol!

What a great idea! So great, that when I googled it I realized Prince beat me to the punch.

And for the record, I just wanna say, I love Prince. Rest in purple.

Love,
Johnny