Once a fellow male acquaintance of mine tried to deter me from pursuing a particular lady. He whispered to me a warning stating her genitalia smells of sardines... my response to this tasteless remark, "sounds delicious!"
Eating canned Sardines is a repulsive passion of mine. Writing is another. So here is a review on the sardines of which I highly recommend. You’re welcome.
Unlike a can of sardines, you won’t find many packed into this post, I’ve narrowed down to just a few. But before we crack this can of chum, please note this is a review of Skinless Boneless Sardines only. Why? Because… skin and bones on your Branzino... that’s classy. But skin and bones on your sardines? That’s antiquated manufacturing and something I’d feel bad handing out to a hobo.
Without further preambling, here they are. My approved standard, the best of the canned catches.
Season Brand Skinless & Boneless Sardines
Overall Sardine Rating: 5
Package Design: 2
Fishness: 8
Stink Notes: 5
No bones to pick here. Season Brand, you had me with the generic mediterranean lady on the cover. Salty and olive oil soaked to perfection. Packed with protein and the quintessentially-aromatic sardine stinkiness. I can’t get enough. Rev up and warm in the microwave to take your stink notes to levels of the highest heavens.
King Oscar Skinless & Boneless Sardines
Overall Sardine Rating: 4
Package Design: 3
Fishness: 77.3
Stink Notes: 5
While Biggie Smalls rapped about his sardine eating days to depict his poverty, King Oscar suggests otherwise. With a little imagination and delusion you can eat these sardines like an immortal monarch. “By special royal permission,” King Oscar bestows to us his finest imported canned aquatic meat.
Bar Harbor Skinless, Boneless Smoked Sardine Fillets
Overall Sardine Rating: 5
Package Design: 5
Fishness: Z 98.7
Stink Notes: 3
Say hello to the new fish on the shelf. At first I was skeptical because it was sans olive oil. But coming in with a unique smoked flavor and a fancy earth toned package design, this might be the biggest breakthrough in sardine marketing since WWII. An excellent purchase of big meaty sardines. Caught from the Gulf of Vacationland, they do not disappoint.
Stay tuned. Additional sardine reviews to follow...
“...I used to eat sardines for dinner.”
-The Notorious B.I.G.
"...I'm eating sardines and pasta for dinner tonight."
-Johnny Michael