New to Miami. I had some questions.
- Why do so many people here look like Pitbull?
*Fact: 1 out of every 10 people in Miami resemble Pitbull.
- Where does all the poop go?
People are eating. People are pooping. It's gotta be going somewhere...
- Why are there so many streets named 2nd ave?
Legit directions: “Just take a left on 2nd ave. Head down Miami ave. Then another left on the other 2nd ave." What? Wait a second...
- Why is everyone speaking Spanish?
Am I in a different country? And how do they all know I only speak English?
- Is that dude wearing a wig?
*Fact: 1 out of 10 men who don't look like Pitbull are wearing wigs.
- Do I need a dog to make friends?
Woof! Sniff! Let's be friends! Your english no bueno? Take my number, we'll text!
- Why aren’t these women returning my text messages?
Time to sharpen my Spanish texting skills in the sacapuntas!
- Where do the pretty buildings go when the water rises?
And, seriously, what about the poop?
- Was that an iguana or a fucking dragon?
Because I almost shit myself on the sidewalk.
- Why do all these clumsy folks keep confusing the recycling bin with Biscayne Bay?
Silly Miamians.
*Fake facts. Research gathered by various people watching.