Go to parties, put my hands in my pockets and put the vibe out.
Manspread on a public bench while I wait for an Uber.
Accept compliments from strangers. Explaining with enthusiasm, “They’re new! Got them from All Saints. They’re kinda stretchy!”
Ride a fucking scooter.
Wear them on my first date with the cute girl from the All Saints store.
Test out the fit with some intense karate kicks in my bedroom.
Compliment other fashionable people who made the fantastic decision to wear black denim jeans. “Nice black denim jeans, hombre!”
Approach women at a rooftop bar saying, “How you doin.”
Post up at a high top table and eat some fucking fresh mussels.
Return them. Because the cute girl from All Saints store isn’t returning my texts and they were $160.
Ask a friend to return them so I don’t have to go in the store… And put on some fucking blue jeans.
