In Hotel Transylvania, the animated film starring Adam Sandler… there’s an idea
Ok hold up, I know this isn’t a profound cultural resource of well-respected and humanity-defining ideals… and it’s clear that while he’s an absolutely hilarious human, the Sandman isn’t synonymous with transcending the thought processes of mankind. Although dare I say it, I love aka passionately enjoy the dude’s films. Without a doubt, his creativity and humor are inspiring on a colossal scale. He also recently received a well-deserved Mark Twain Prize for Humor. Truth is, I thoroughly enjoyed Hotel Transylvania, it’s full of funny jokes and wildly smart visual gags.
But.
There is a fundamental idea that guided the script and the story that made me want to roll my eyes at and bang my head against the wall.
“The Zing”
This is the idea that you “only get one zing once in your lifetime” and “one must go after that zing!”
Zing, if you haven’t assumed correctly already (you wickedly clever human, you) refers to the romantic attraction and connection between the two unlikely lovers, Mavis and Johnny. Unlikely because Mavis is a 118-year-old teenage vampire and Johnny is a normal bumbling human teen. Before it’s too late and true love passes them by, Johnny and Mavis must chase after this life-altering zing and find a way to come together! Or live a life forever in regret… yadda-yadda.
When Johnny and Mavis meet earlier in the film, there’s an adorable scene where their eyes connect, go wide and shine at each other. They're entranced. Struck. Lightning bolts to the heart. Sure that fleeting feeling happens and I can relate. But only once in one’s life?
That’s a monster-size pile of movie garbage. It’s a heap of Frankenstien’s feces. A Philadelphia-sized penis of a philosophical fallacy and we’re all screwed for worse believing it. I have no clue what that last one meant, but point is that’s not how life works. Real life isn’t a rom-com. And if you live it that way you’re in for a rude awakening. Good luck following that yellow-dick road, prepare to be fucked, Dorothy. And with yellow dicks, that doesn’t pleasant, does it? (Again not sure what that means. This is what happens when you don’t have an editor.)
Unfortunately for the sake of humanity’s philosophical progress, ideas like this sell, exceedingly well. Studios probably can point to the data and say, “See! This is what the people want!”
Because somehow, 85 million dollars was spent on making a movie with this played-out and delusional romantic idea weaved into it. Even more, movie-goers poured in almost 350 million dollars to see it. The jokes are hilarious, the animation is fun, the performances are a riot. Not that my critic’s opinion or two thumbs matter, but I gave the film a generous 4 and ½ stars on Letterboxd because it’s just a pure feel-good delight. But there’s something at its core that is lagging behind in terms of understanding and feels like an irresponsible source of influence. I don’t blame them, that sort of romantic love story is ingrained in our brains from the get-go.
But this is where people need to wake up and refuse to believe such hopelessly charming nonsense. Sure, it makes for an easy story and a convenient way to build a plot.
One zing? That’s all we get? That’s laughable. Maybe the best joke in the whole movie. At 35 I know that you’ll get plenty of zings in your lifetime. Some more fleeting and some harder to forget than others… And plus a whole heap of them which go unrequited, ignored, unconsidered. Womp-effin-womp.
Of course, it would be tough to create a movie where Johnny spends 15 years running around on dating apps and a hopeless deflating boondoggle where things just never work out.
I’m tired of this storyline and I’m not sure it brings real value to serve the people who watch it, perhaps it even confuses them and puts ideas in their heads that misguide their life decisions. Heroes in stories can do more than be romantic conquistadors. Sure we root for them, but do we want to be them? Do we see ourselves in them? Do they inspire humanity? …Oh, they do? If you just said that they do… Call me up and let’s argue about it.
Companies like Disney get it. In a YouTube video titled “Bob Iger’s 2023 Annual Shareholder Meeting Remarks” Bobby Iggs says, “Audiences want to see themselves and the very best of humanity reflected in the stories that we tell. And that’s why our on-screen heroes are guided by kindness, understanding, respect, and optimism. And why Disney strives to incorporate those ideals in everything we do.” He delivers these words riding the sound waves of emotionally charging music with his voice providing a perfectly-toned uplifting gravitas. For extra pizazz, you can see Main Street at the Magic Kingdom and the iconic Cinderella castle in the background.
He didn’t say, love. He (and the writers) chose the words carefully. It’s like… they get it.
What Bobby outlined above is why billions of other people (myself included) gravitate to Disney stories. That’s why we have an affinity for the parks and the characters. That’s why the business has been around for 100 years. That’s also why I’ve applied to this company about 101 times. Still daydreaming patiently and optimistically I’ll have the chance to be a part of Disney. (But probably not going to work if I keep putting stuff on the internet using phrases like a yellow-dick road).
What I want, is to be part of a team with the opportunity to tell stories in a responsible and entertaining way. Yeah, that’s a big overly-ambitious hope, and it sounds so purposeful and big-minded it comes across as pompous. But the humble fact is that there’s truth to it. Stories we share shape people’s lives and there’s a power and duty that comes with responsibility.
Alas, career ambitions aren’t too different from our passions to find the perfect mates… the idea of working at Disney gives me a zing. But then again, so do Apple and Nike. And a few other sexy tech startups I’ve eyed.
We get a lot of zings in life.
It comes down to choices. You should know you’re going to get more than one shot, one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted… don’t lose yourself… or your sight of the big picture. And now somehow I have some new form of Emienem’s Lose Yourself in my head, cue the beat… “You only get one zing, do not miss your chance to blow…”
Great tune. But it’s not true.
You’re gonna have a lot of zings in your lifetime, yo.