When we made eye contact at the plant-based food festival, you had your hands full with a cup of Kava. I thought you were pretty and I was feeling pretty chivalrous, so I grabbed you a sampling of the mango tofu taco. I could tell we were gonna be friends.
When we started talking and you mentioned you were into yoga and we had read the same book, “Why Buddhism Is True.” It was a sign, I could tell we were gonna be friends.
When you were kind enough to lend me your extra slice of mango adding some extra flavor to my taco and flutters to my heart. That was so kindful, you were so mindful. I could tell we were going to be friends.
When we bumped our vegan cheese samples together, said cheers and giggled. I could tell we were gonna be friends.
When I said, “I really like Italian food.” And you said, “I like a lot of Lebanese food.” And we both figured out we were Italian and Lebanese. It was such a coincidence! Like star-crossed rebels and pioneers of our ethnic cultures we gobbled gluten-free noodles, plant-based meatballs, and dived into a deep conversation about hummus. Yup, I could tell we were gonna be friends.
When the band starting playing really loud music and you said, “They’re really good!” I completely disagreed. And despite the fact I wanted to run to a place where I could shelter my ears from these wretched sounds, I stayed right there with you — in the moment. On that note, I could tell we we’re going to be friends.
But when that other guy, Dan, and your friend Sarah showed up and Dan started hitting on you. I wasn’t sure why Dan was so proud of living on a boat, that technically makes him homeless, and why were you into that nautical nonsense anyway? I was getting frustrated so I struck things up with Sarah, and that’s when I started thinking, she's kinda hotter than you and she definitely sounded a little smarter when she talked. Whatever, I could tell we were going to be friends.
When you got jealous Sarah and I were really hitting it off and exchanging numbers. You responded accordingly to natural selection’s competitive instincts and were again highly interested in me. Dan’s hobo-pirate lifestyle must've lost its luster. At this point, I could tell we were going to be friends.
When we planned to get together later at the after party. You just had this look in your eye. But that night you didn’t text me until the party was over. Although you wrote sorry with way too many s’s and o’s, you did actually apologize, and I could tell we were going to be friends.
When I texted you a few days later to see if you wanted to get together and maybe catch a yoga class on the beach. You mentioned you were busy for the next couple weeks. You were just "sssoooo" busy. Here again, you spelt a simple word with too many s's and o's. But apparently things were like, crazy busy and this is your way of expressing emphasis. In spite of all this, I could tell we were going to be friends.
Two weeks later when I texted you to meet up and try out that new vegan-tofu-taco-ice cream yoga studio. You just completely ignored my text message. Maybe you didn’t believe it existed. Maybe you didn’t believe in us. Did you cut texting-me-back out of your diet? Was I nothing but an unwanted piece of red-meat? But then I was at Whole Foods, and when I touched a mango I felt as if our souls were once again in tango. Our seeds of passion reincarnated. Truth be told, this is actually when I could tell we were going to be friends.
But soon after that, I finally just said screw it. You’re a waste of my good energy. Like an avocado our ripe days for romance had passed so quickly. Our chemistry, destined for compost. So I meditated for like 3 intense minutes.... And later that week Sarah and I went to Shake Shack. We started dating. We eat healthy and fuck a lot. Things couldn’t be better. So, I guess that's when I could tell we were going to friends… just friends.